If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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