2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
