I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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