Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
We got so high we made milksteak
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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