your parents love me but you hate me
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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