Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
