New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
