The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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