I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
