Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize