I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
she pinky promised me she was 18
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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