If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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