There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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