Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Holy shit dude........stairs
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
