Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
