so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
