I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
