Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
