I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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