those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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