i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Never joke about your clitoris.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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