so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize