New low: just hacked my moms facebook
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
