I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
