Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
