Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Enjoy the penises
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
