i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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