Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
