Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
