I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
