Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Shitshow foam night was such a success
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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