Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
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