I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
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