i think i have herpe
just one?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
