i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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