Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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