Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
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I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
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i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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