My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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