I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
My cat gives me a boner
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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