sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
