This dress was meant to end up on your floor
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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