Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
