I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
