yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
