I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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