that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
