so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
