Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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