I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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