Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
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