the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
