she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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