I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
