I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize