Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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