She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
