Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
