Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
