you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
