I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
