Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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