oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize