i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
