but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
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It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
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He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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