we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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