i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Your penis caused this!
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
