His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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