i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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